Friday, November 9, 2012

Kiss my ass

Its a privileged to kiss my ass you pansy boys. To lick it is simply divine. What would you give me to even gaze upon it? Tell my pet, would you crawl on your knees to taste my ambrosia? Would you empty your wallet to buy me toys to satisfy myself with? What would you do to get the honor of serving me? Call me on Nite Flirt and plead your case!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Pussy eatting test....

I had two young men who wished to become my slave. I had only one opening so in order for me to choose I put them to task. Finally it came down to who could make me cum the most with their tongues. Oh it was such a lovely challenge too! I cam and cam and cam. Finally I just decided to keep them both! Why shouldn't I have them both? I am so worth it after all!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Small cocks

I love teasing small cocks. Those men who have clittys are such a joy to humiliate. I let them beg to eat my cunt, to beg to be allowed to cum. Seeing their face as I squeeze their balls, as they cum is such a joy to watch. Cum let me fuck with all you little dicked no pussy getting mother fuckers on Nite Flirt. Call me.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Think its time for a Monday servicing. I have all my pets groomed and ready. Invited some friends over. Lets see who cums first.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

The top ten reasons nipple rings are a GOOD idea:

#10. You gain a new and much higher threshold for pain. #9. You have more than just your purse to keep from losing your car keys. #8. With a little body english and a short copper wire, you can pick up pay-per-view if the weather is right. #7. You can now jump car batteries without cables. #6. With only a spinning table and spot light you can earn extra cash renting yourself out to Club parties. #5. Those nasty stretch marks are no longer the center of attention for your husband or boyfriend. #4. You always have a ready replacement if you lose your wedding ring. #3. Every elf in the universe is now your loyal friend for life. #2. Hanging ten is childs play. Hanging by two?? Now thats impressive! #1. Hard vibrators can be "way more" than a girl's best friend.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

The top ten reasons nipple rings are a BAD idea:

#10. Perpetual delays at airport security scanners. #9. Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers. #8. A friend asks to see your ring and in a blonde moment you almost do it. #7. For some reason, combs will seem like threats. #6. Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option. #5. Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things. #4. You'll now have to deal with Velcro nightmares. #3. The aging process has taken on a whole new meaning. #2. Skinny dipping is a real challenge because of your artificial lures. #1. Lightning... it's not just something that happens to other people anymore.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

You know you are kinky when ....

... You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear looks like ON someone!"

... Your entire Music collection consists of music you can Scene to.

... You give a new song a rating of's got a good beat and you can squirm to it.

... You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.

... You always smell like Yankee Candle's Scent-Of-The-Month.

... Canning season gets you *really* excited.

... Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.

... You make your vacation destination decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws.

... Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about.

... Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.

... They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at *four* local leather shops.

... You need an 18-wheeler to haul all your toys to a party.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I loved this....

True Masochist to a True Sadist: Hurt me. True Sadist to a True Masochist: No.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

A oldie but goodie.

Q: What's the difference between Sensuous and Kinky?

A: Sensuous they use the feather, Kinky they use the whole chicken.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

A challange for you.

My name is Darlie.... For each letter of my name you are to use a word to describe me. The more you please me with your words, the better for you. The best submission will get 5 free minutes to serve my pleasures on Nite Flirt.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Like what you see?

You know you want it. Beg for it. Call me on Nite Flirt and tell what you would do to get it.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Some tips for my pets....

Deciding to enter a relationship with a dominant is a decision that should not be taken lightly. You may have no doubt that you are a submissive personality, but that does not mean that you will automatically be a good submissive. Being a good submissive involves a certain mindset as well as the ability to discipline yourself. Here are some tips for being the kind of submissive that any dominant would be proud to call his/her own.

1) Pick a good dominant. This will be your 1st and possibly the most important decision you will make upon deciding to embark upon a submissive lifestyle. This decision is ultimately yours. Nobody can force you into submission. You must go willingly, so choose your dominant wisely. No submissive will ever be better than the one she chooses to be her dominant.

2) Know your limits. Think long and hard about what your limitations are physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Write them down and share them with your dominant. It is very important to share these with him/her before you decide to enter into such a relationship. Your limitations can make or break a relationship, and it is important to be upfront about them in the beginning.

3) Submitting means you truly give your all. This is something that many submissives fail to realize. Many believe it means giving only what you want to give or feel like giving. This is not true, though. True submission means going above and until it hurts. It does not mean giving all of yourself physically and then holding back the rest. A good dominant will want to know all about you...inside and out. Your feelings will be of the utmost importance to him. By giving your all, you will be enabling him/her with the tools he will need to be a good dominant in your life.

4) You do not have to be perfect. Many submissives believe that unless they submit perfectly all of the time, they will not be appreciated by their dominants. The truth of the matter is that many dominants actually enjoy a submissive who is a bit bratty from time to time, because it gives him a perfect opportunity to put his power moves into play. Just as he/she enjoys this feeling of taking things and getting them back in control, so does the submissive. When a dominant shows his/her power, it makes her feel safe and loved.

5) Be open with your dominant. Do not be afraid to share you innermost thoughts and feelings. He/she wants to know. If you try and hide your feelings from him/her, he/she will eventually find out. If nothing else he/she will find out through little resentments that can build up. If you have a fear or are uncertain about something in the relationship, it is much better to bring it out so that the two of you can discuss it and come to a resolution.

6) Say goodbye to jealousy. When you decide enter into a dominant/submissive relationship, you must learn to say goodbye to outward expressions of jealousy. Nothing can kill such a relationship faster. Your dominant may decide to have more than one submissive. If this is the case, you must learn to deal with it and realize that his/her relationship with another submissive does not take away from his/her relationship with you. A good dominant is able to separate his/her submissives and see the beauty and value in each one. If you think jealousy is a potential problem in a relationship, discuss it before you commit to one another. It could very well be that you need to seek another dominant.

7) Obey your dominant. Nothing tells a dominant you care more than this. Obeying him/her tells him/her that you are willing to do anything for him/her.

8) Realize that a dominant/submissive relationship is not about sex. It is about control. Many such relationships involve no sex at all. Many are much more service oriented. This is a good thing to discuss before you decide to enter the relationship. Make sure it is the kind of dominant/submissive relationship that you are seeking

9) Respect your dominant. One thing that most dominants will not tolerate is disrespect. No matter what the issue, you must always approach your dominant in a respectful manner and tone. It is fine to disagree or question something, but do it with respect.

Being a submissive can be difficult, but it can also be very rewarding. By following these steps you will ensure that you are being the best submissive that your dominant will ever desire.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

So this week I had a couple of little pricks who begged to become my slave. I knew they were total pussys so I decided to have a little fun with them. I made them shave their legs and chest. You know its gonna itch something terrible when it grows back. Although, all my pets must groom themselves properly. I love tasting sweet naked cunts and enjoying those smooth hard cocks. So are you prepared to become my slave. Call me on Nite Flirt if you dare to apply to be my pet.

Friday, September 7, 2012

So the insurance investigator came with the paper work for me to claim my late husbands insurance. I dressed appropriately in a naughty school girl skirt and white little panties. Then I wore a tight little t shirt with no bra. That should be just enough to tempt even a saint. When I opened the door the nasty little man who stood there looked at me from head to toe with out blinking a eye. Then he walked in without a invitation. He sat down on the couch and said to settle myself in because he had several questions to ask about my insurance claim. He was completely unaffected by my gorgeous body. Or so I thought. After a hour of tedious question and answer session and making me think it was going to be near impossible for me to claim the money, the little man sat back on the couch and made himself comfortable and then he asked me just how naughty had I been? His question threw me off for a minute and then I noticed the bulge in his pants. I reached up and rubbed my nipple for a minute with a wicked smile. I told him I had been only a little naughty, but that I could get very naughty for him. He told me to come and lay across his lap with my ass up. I couldnt believe it the little fucker was gonna spank my sweet ass. The things I do for money. is a lot of money. A lot of money. Call me on Nite Flirt and I will tell you what else I let the little shithead do to my ass.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

I am having a little work done to the outside of my house and the job foreman started cussing up a storm as I got out of my car to go in the house. At first I didnt realize what his problem was and then I saw that everyone one of his crew had stopped to stare down at my tits. I just laughed and went on into the house. Its not like its my fault that they had good taste. I decided I was gonna have some fun at his expense. I went and put on my string bikini and went and laid out by the pool. I took my time rubbing my tanning lotion on and teased their cocks with every move I made. The job foreman finally had had enough and came down to talk to me about my "distracting attributes". Call me on Nite Flirt to find out what he had to say and what I did in response to his complaint!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Pissed the judge off~

Opps. Okay so it wasnt my best idea to tell the judge to kiss my ass, but it was her fault. I mean seriously she fined me 1000 bucks because I flashed my tits at the truck driver. Yeah they had to close the road down. Yeah there were 1000's of chickens everywhere. But hey! The dude liked what he saw. So no harm or foul. Guess I shall have to have extra phone sex this weekend to pay the cunts fine.

Friday, July 27, 2012

A secret at Victorias!

So I took this boy shopping. His mommy and daddy had loads of money and he carried some serious cabbage. I needed some new underthings for my ladies. As you can imagine they get a lot of attention being that they are naturals and oh so lovely. So the sales girl came up and measured my bust and her nipples brushed against my own when she reached around me. MMmmmm it was such a turn on! I picked out several bras and then asked her to come help me try them on. I was feeling a little frisky and cock wasnt gonna do the trick.
Let me tell you that little slut had a tongue that would light a fire to wet wood. It was all I could do to keep that little harlot from making me scream out, while she licked and sucked my cunt. When we came back out of the dressing room her face glistened with my juices. Smiling over at the chump that I had enlisted to take me shopping I decided to tease him some more. I leaned down and kissed her licking her lips. This shocked the boy but it made the bulge in his pants stick out further! Needless to say I love going to Victoria's. They have such lovely little secrets.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

My Attorney Fees

I have had to pay a lot of money out to make sure I stayed clear of going to jail for any real time. Being such pricy prick, my attorney decided we could take it out in trade. He loves my tits. His wife should be the CEO of the itty bitty patrol! I was right there in his office when I took my top off and dropped to my knees between his legs. He pulled his dick out and pushed my head down on his meat. I started slurping up and down on his knob listening to his moans. Then I wrapped my tits right around that prick belonging to that prick. He was rocking his hips and fucking my big tits while he kept glancing at a pic of his wife with a nasty little smile. Then he grabbed the pic and turned it towards me as he spurted his load all over my tits and face. I stood up and walked over to the mirror. Smiling at my face and the dripping cum. He was a cheap bill. As I walked out his office I told him to make out my receipt and to make sure to sign it,  PAID IN FULL.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Yeah his name was Bubba

I was on a back dirt road headed into town the other night. I was speeding. So what. Not like these back woods hillbilly cops are up to the task of dealing with me. At least thats what I thought ! Then I met Bubba. Yeah his fucking name is Bubba. What kind of back ass parents names their kid Bubba. So I got pulled over and here walks up this big ol boy. And I mean big. And he meant business. Of course he had me step out of the car once he knew who I was. After all I am a known dangerous criminal. He had me bent over the hood of my car before I could say cornbread and beans. He ran his hands down my body paying attention to my tits and the inside of my thighs and when he ground his cock into my ass I knew just what this speeding ticket was about to cost me. Not that I am complaining! His cock was in proportion to his body!
I sure do like knowing a cop or two. Makes my life just a little more fun!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Just a little about me....

Ok, so yeah, maybe I look a little familiar to you. Maybe you think you've seen me somewhere before, like on t.v. or something. I'm kind of a celebrity. I'm sort of famous. People love me, or love to hate me. I don't give a fuck either way. I'm a star.
See, what most people don't realize is, hot girls don't go to prison. (they don't stay there anyway!) And hot chicks definitely don't get sent to death row. That's for losers and skanks. As you can see, I am neither. While the other girls were whining because they couldn't get a decent meal, I was getting pedicures and having my hair done. Hot girls are spoiled. Even in prison.
I have NO idea how the fucking antifreeze got into my ex's Gatorade! That dried up prune of a prosecutor thought she'd make her career on my ass. But I got off on a technicality. See, technically, I was fucking my attorney (and blowing the judge. )
Oh, and by the ex REALLY had it coming. He shoulda never fucked around with my twin cousins. In the end, I guess we ALL got what we deserved. I'm not allowed to talk about the case or make money off of my "celebrity" while I'm on probation, but I do love to tease and torture guys like you.
Call me...the most dangerous flirt you'll ever know...

Are they real?

I know I have huge tits....and assholes ask all the time if they are real. What do you think.....or better yet....why dont you feel them and find out.

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Being my Slave.

Hello Again,
I've decided a blog twice a month sounds pretty good keeping you dirty nasty things on your toes. This afternoon though something was brought to my attention. You dummies don't know how to be my slaves. So just a little reminder ( which shouldn't be hard to forget every time you look at those little dicks of yours) If you want to be my slave: You must be willing to do everything I tell you too, and call me Mistress not ma'm and treat me with the up most respect. No matter what I tell you to do.
For example: If I tell you to put on women's thongs, lick my toes while I slap you around like a bad bad boy then you do it. No sassing. I'm so happy we got this out of the way. I look forward to seeing you little bastards soon. 

Til Next Time,
Darlie Pain.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Hello Guys ( and Gals *wink*) ,
I just want to say Probation stinks! AA is a drag I may like to fuck but most of the guys there are too drunk to get their tiny dicks up. Anyway. I've been thinking about the tiny time I spent in jail before bond. I've been especially thinking about a certain CO that I had my eye on. You see "Craig" was a tall, blonde,brown eyed man. He was eye raping me the moment they brought me in. Well one day I asked if I could go to the library, turns out Craig was my escort as we walked down he stopped and said he had to frisk me to make use I had no contraband letters. As he was moving his hands up my leg I felt a nice warm pressure on my clit the feeling was amazing............
Of course that didn't happen because all my CO's were overweight women who were bitches. But if you would like to be my CO just give me a call tell me how you would frisk me while I'm in cuffs. 

Till Next Time.